Dear Walt Disney World-You’ve done six impossible things this morning: A request for your Space Restaurant


AT D23 EXPO 2017, DISNEY PARKS CHAIRMAN BOB CHAPEK ANNOUNCES A NEW RESTAURANT COMING TO EPCOT — Adjacent to Mission: SPACE will be a new restaurant that will invite guests to travel high above the earth for an unforgettable dining experience.

Saturday at the Disney D23 Expo, it was announced that there would be a brand new restaurant. It’s simply being called “Space” for the time being, and it sounds utterly amazing. The concept of us, rock dwelling, land loving, ground hugging people actually dining in space is a concept that will definitely fascinate us. The new restaurant will give guests views of space, as we dine totally and completely on Earth.

The new restaurant will open at Epcot, and will be located right next to Mission:Space at Walt Disney World. The idea is definitely right out of a science fiction movie, but not a very exciting or thought provoking one. Just one that has people leave the rock that we call home, and go for a dinner in Space.

But, good people and Imagineers at Disney, what if this new restaurant could be used in another way? What if it wasn’t a restaurant on earth at all but instead a restaurant inside of a time bubble that was located in an infinite loop on the remains of a destroyed planet, in a time that was just before the end of the Universe?

What in the hell am I talking about? Why, my good people, I’m talking about Milliways-the restaurant at the end of the universe.

Let me explain.

There’s a series of very popular, yet kind of odd and unpopular books called the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. There was a movie made by Disney a few years back that was supposed to be the start of the series. It was decidedly fun, but not what the fans of the book wanted…and way too much of the book for people who weren’t fans to latch onto. At the end of the movie, Zaphod Beeblebrox (just glaze over it and move on), said they were going to this restaurant at the end of the universe. It was a passing glance in the movie, but it actually serves as a pretty big portion of the second book in the series-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

It’s best if we let Douglass Adams sum it up in the words of his own book:

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering. It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is enclosed in a vast time bubble and projected forward in time to the precise moment of the End of the Universe.

This is, many would say, impossible.

In it, guests take  their places at table and eat sumptuous meals whilst watching the whole of creation explode around them.

This is, many would say, equally impossible.

You can arrive for any sitting you like without prior reservation because you can book retrospectively, as it were when you return to your own time.

This is, many would now insist, absolutely impossible.

At the Restaurant you can meet and dine with a fascinating cross-section of the entire population of space and time.

This, it can be explained patiently, is also impossible.

All you have to do is deposit one penny in a savings account in your own era, and when you arrive at the End of Time the operation of compound interest means that the fabulous cost of your meal has been paid for.

This, many claim, is not merely impossible but clearly insane, which is why the advertising executives of the star system of Bastablon came up with this slogan: “If you’ve done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?”

Now, don’t think for a moment that I am proposing that you change the operation or theme of your restaurant. The masses will not enjoy this new venture, and the restaurant is going to be too cool on it’s own anyway. No, instead I ask that you create a new event, one night only…if you will, and make this a centerpiece of the attraction.

Think about it-Guardians of the Galaxy will be an all new ride right next door in Future World. You’ll have Tron at Magic Kingdom, and a brand new Mission for Mission: Space. The new restaurant is going to have you dine in space, which means that there will be some kind of screen use involved. It would also be very cool if there’s some kind of sound effects, which we imagine will also happen.

For one night only, guests can bring their towels, and order a maximum of two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, and watch as the universe dissolves around them in a big firey mess…or a gnab gib (it’s the opposite of a big bang). Oh, what is a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster? It’s an alcoholic drink that is described as the best in existence. Effects are similar to having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. Make it an upcharge event, and limit the attendance. Make the cost paid for at the door, and make all guests deposit one penny with the host station before they are seated. And of course, you have to charge $42 dollars for something…but guests won’t find out what it is until the end of the night.

Again, I’m not asking to change the format of the restaurant, just make it a little more fun and interesting for just one night.

I, and many other hitchhikers would thank you immensely from the bottoms of our fat, nerd loving hearts.

Thank you for your time.




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