Rumors come and go. And unless you can say that it happened yesterday, it’s just that…a rumor. Normally we toss out rumors and sprinkle them throughout updates like seasoning on beef , but these are so juicy we had to start a column just to deal with them. So, welcome to the rumor mill. Remember that these are strictly rumors, nothing has been revealed by the parks yet, so take them with a grain of salt. They could happen, they most likely will not.
Busch Gardens Williamsburg
According to sources, the new attraction MACH Tower will be open May 27th. Makes sense. It’s right before a really busy weekend, and the official kick off to the summer season. However, according to fansite BGWFans the parts for Mach Tower were damaged during shipping from overseas and it will be sometime before the park gets them fixed and back on track.
Universal Orlando
Orlando United played a terrible April Fool’s Day joke on it’s readers by saying that Universal Orlando will replace it’s Jimmy Neutron Ride with something from the just released film HOP. April Fools? Our sources say HOP is definitely in contention, though the favorite is Despicable Me. However don’t get your hopes up because it is said to use THE EXACT SAME RIDE SYSTEM as Jimmy Neutron currently. Ugh…rehabs.
Okay the big one. A loyal HHN fan, and member of several fansites including HHNVault (deceased) HorrorNightNightmares and HHNRumors has long entertained the online community by posting very articulate rants about all things HHN. This time he posts a 45 MINUTE rant on youtube about HHN XXI. While drinking in a bar late one night, he bumped into a guy who builds the frights, sitting down and buying some drinks he said “hey Dr. Jimmy let me give you a peak” and we can mash..sorry.
This whole video starts out as “I don’t have a lot of time” yet it goes on for three parts grand totalling 45 minutes.
Here’s part one, and I’ll sum up the juicy points below:
Summary-
- HHN XXI will use the moniker Xtreme Xposed Intense. Clever right?
- FEAR will be the Icons once again, only it’s not FEAR as we know him it’s three faces of FEAR each one representing different FEARS.
- One FEAR will be reptilian, one will be this beast, and the other will be a sexy hot dominatrix
- The event will be ONLY open to those 18 and up
- Houses will include designs from Clive Barker and Rob Zombie-The Rob Zombie house will pump music so loud they will give out earplugs, and by accepting the ear plugs you accept that you can’t sue universal should you lose your hearing
- There will be an extreme house (we’ve heard this before) that you will have to sign a waiver that will be notarized at the door before you enter. In this house you will be touched, blindfolded, yelled at and even dunked in a tank of water. There will be a fake exit that will have actors being drug out looking hurt, acting deranged, and even dead. You will be cut on with a fake saw and it will like you are dying.
- There will be concerts at the park, including Midnight Syndicate and GWAR. But the highlight of which will be Rob Zombie.
- There will be a “Gay Pride” parade taken over by vampires. Assless chaps and blood soaked rainbow flags abound.
- Legendary Truth will all DIE. The group will add six new members and they will all be killed off, making a murder mystery out of it all. Once all of the people are dead, Legendary Truth is gone forever.
- Bill and Ted will use the word FUCK….ooooh edgy.
- There will be a show similar to Rocky Horror in spirit using Repo: The Genetic Opera as it’s backdrop.
- There will be a lack of scarezones. There will be 4 scare zones
- Zombieology will deal with a cult of zombie worshippers who offer ever lasting life if you get eaten by a zombie. Scare Zone
- A scare zone in the Kidzone dealing with Lovecraftian creatures. The name SquidZone. Don’t get that one do ya.
- No pictures. At all. If you take pictures they will confiscate your camera, escort you from premises, ban you from HHN for LIFE and ban you from Universal Orlando for a year.
- There will be naked people. The Xtreme Fear will be a topless woman. The gay pride parade will feature homosexual vampires simulating sexual acts. GWAR splatters blood and semen on it’s crowds.
My thoughts on this?
Universal has worked hard all these years to build a brand name. They have gone from limiting tickets to filling the parks to capacity. They have done this by not catering to just the fans, but giving people what they want. This is a big risk, and HHN a huge money maker, I just don’t think any of this will happen. From a marketing stand point it’s a nightmare, from a legal standpoint it’s painting a sign saying “Sue us”.
Rob Zombie will be helping HHN Hollywood again this year, and has committed to them. GWAR has been off the radar so long. Midnight Syndicate…well we know for a fact on that one and seeing they are friends, we’ll keep quiet on it.(where do you think that rumor started Dr. Jimmy?)
Nudity in a theme park? Not at Universal post Harry Potter. The park pulls in tons of families now because of Harry Potter, it doesn’t need to tarnish that image with a fanboys wet dream (which is exactly what all of this is….every fans big wet steaming dream).
Fire in a house didn’t happen last year, they came close, but it didn’t happen. Why? Because Fire code wouldn’t let them. They pushed it to the outside of the house. And touching in a haunted house setting? Again, asking for trouble. Maybe it’s what they WANT to do, but wanting and doing are two separate things.
And the biggest reason I call BS on it. It’s all in the glasses. It was well thought out…too well thought out. You could see Dr. Jimmy reading from a script on his computer screen…it was reflected in his glasses. Now, maybe he had to write out all of his thoughts to keep them straight…but fishy I say. April Fools everyone.
Look, I would love for all this to happen, but let’s get real. It may happen, and when it does I’ll admit it…but for a park to take a huge risk like that? Doubtful.
STILL, it’s a wonderful and well thought out series of videos and if you have time to (as I did yesterday) it’s well worth drumming up and listening to. The ideas are great, and IF ONLY they would take the chance to do some stuff like that, it would be oustandingly epic.
More as we hear it.
